The craziest man in NFL football named Tom Cable as the new head coach of the Oakland Raiders.
Welcome to the lost cause club, Tom. It seems Idahoans are the current poster children for high hopes waiting to be dashed. I'm talking to you, Gov. Palin.
Let's face it, Idaho is one of the stepchild states of this country. No respect, no heroes and a bad image that keeps getting worse. You may not know, but when Cable played for the University of Idaho Vandals, he was part of the offensive line blocking for Quarterback Scott Linehan. Like Cable's Raiders predecessor Lane Kiffin, Linehan was fired this week. Linehan's St. Louis Rams aren't as good as the Raiders and both will continue to struggle.
So why is it that Idaho can't get good press? OK, it isn't ALL bad; there are some people who genuinely believe the Republican ticket of McCain-Palin will beat the Obama Changemachine. There are even people I know who are planning to punch a full Republican ticket.
It's not my fault. I grew up in that other stepchild state, Utah. The day Utah turns blue is the day the devil gets to have his scotch on the rocks.
And everybody, including ESPN, loves the Boise State Broncos. As we like to say in Moscow, Boise isn't a state.
If you try to blame this run of bad luck on outgoing senator Larry Craig and his restroom exploits, you are missing the point. Craig isn't the problem. Palin isn't the problem. The Vandal cheerleaders skimpy uniforms aren't the problem. These are just visible symptoms.
So what is it about Idaho that breeds people built for lost causes? Is it North Idaho's "Aryan Nation" background or southern Idaho's identification as nothing more than a bunch of Napoleon Dynamite wanna-bes? (On a side note, I hate that movie. Some things are funny because they are true; some things are so true they just can't be funny.)
Enter Cable, most recently the offensive line coach of the Raiders. His previous stint leading a team was for the Vandals from 2000-03. He went 11-35 in four seasons before being replaced by Nick Holt who was replaced by Dennis Erickson who was replaced by Robb Akey. (For the record, I took a sick joy in watching the UNLV Runnin' Rebels knock Erickson's Arizona St. Sun Devils out of their 15th spot in the rankings.) The longest Cable ever held a coaching job was from 1992-1997 when he was the O-line coach at Cal.
In other words, he's perfect for the Raiders. He's their sixth head coach since they were creamed by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in Super Bowl XXVII.
But who knows? Maybe Idaho will break out of this slump. Cable could turn the Raiders around (not likely), McCain-Palin could win the White House (please, God, no), the next U.S. Senator from Idaho could be a decent guy (Larry LaRocca, vote now), and standout Vandal linebacker David Vobora (picked dead last in the 2008 NFL draft) might get into a game.
Or, the nation could continue to only be informed of Idaho's lost causes. Sorry, Broncos. You may get a lot of air time, but you'll never win the BCS championship.
The good news is that I know plenty of people either from Idaho or went to UI that are not lost causes. Whether they can reverse the trend or not, only time will tell.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
The Juice no longer loose
Since O.J. Simpson's sports memorabilia trial began this week in Las Vegas, now is a good time to revisit the following column. It appeared in The Argonaut exactly one year ago today. Enjoy!
If you could crawl inside O.J. Simpson’s head, would you want to?
Let’s take a little peek inside his brain and maybe figure out what the hell is going on in there. Take a change of underwear. It might get scary.
Yes, you may hold my hand. Remember though, none of this is real.
The first thing you’ll notice is that we don’t have to go through the ear hole of a football helmet. Sorry, Juice, those days are long in the past. Nor must we go through giant hair or a headset. Like his football days, O.J.’s big hair and football analyst days are done.
Once we arrive in the ear canal, we are met with a lifetime of earwax. What did you expect? Every time someone said, “No, O.J., I don’t think it’s a good idea to publish a book about what you would have done if you had killed your former wife,” something had to be blocking the sound waves.
Maybe he was hit in the head once too often. Those 1960s and ‘70s-era helmets weren’t the sophisticated protectors of multi-million dollar heads that NFL players wear today.
After forcing our way through the waxy build-up, we find ourselves in O.J.’s inner reality. We’re met not by his current self, but by his much younger self, sporting the colors of his alma mater USC and holding his Heisman Trophy.
“Hi there, folks,” the young Juice says, flashing a smile that will eventually get him on TV and in movies. “Welcome to O.J.’s, where the fun never stops until you lose your head.”
See, O.J. had a sense of humor even back then.
After entering what looks like a golf course inside a football stadium with a casino on one side and a black, empty space on the other, we gravitate to a gaggle of people gathered around a golf green right on the fifty yard line.
Johnny Cochran is there and so is Mark Fuhrman. Judge Ito is serving drinks out of a golf cart and an older (but far from wiser) O.J. is setting up a putt.
For now, this is a strange kind of heaven, but if O.J. misses this putt, all hell will break loose. Shh.
He taps the ball and rolls toward the cup, looking as if it will plop right in. Then it veers away from the hole and bounces away into the dark part of the stadium.
There are two signs above the burnt out seats: “Do Not Enter” and a replica of the “Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas” sign.
Somehow we’ve managed to traverse many of O.J.’s problems, landing square in the middle of his current quandary.
Sunday, O.J. was arrested and charged with six counts of assault, robbery, burglary and conspiracy in Las Vegas. Here is what is known so far:
O.J. thinks someone jacked him for memorabilia related to his family (not his football career, the one that is o-v-e-r). He entered the room of the supposed holder of the items with a few other men.
According to O.J., he and his buddies regained possession of the items and left the room.
No guns were involved.
Except that a couple guns were found with another man arrested in relation to the crime while at McCarran International Airport.
Things inside O.J.’s head get real fuzzy as we try to sort out this part of his mind.
Perhaps we have entered the worst part of his psyche, the part that battles between his perceived innocence (and let me remind everyone that he was found not guilty of the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman, and not all the facts of this current case have come out, so no one, except maybe O.J., knows whether he is guilty or not), and his thoughts about actually committing crimes.
He did write a book called “If I Did It,” after all.
There isn’t anything here about O.J.’s penchant for road rage, though. He was caught with that one and as for the book, well, he didn’t get to make any money on it.
A bankruptcy judge gave the rights to the Goldman family and they published it.
They re-titled it, too.
“If I Did It: Confessions of the Killer.” Catchy title, don’t you think?
Yes, O.J.’s head is a scary place to be, full of contradictions. On one side, there is sunshine and golf. On the other side there is darkness. O.J. already knows what jail is like, so if he gets a trip to a Nevada State Correctional Facility, it won’t be wholly unfamiliar.
What’s that? You want out of this place? Me, too.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Make me famous
All you have to do is click the "thumbs up" at the top or bottom of the following page. Do it, please.
http://rafterjumpon.com/view_rafters.php5?id=2226
http://rafterjumpon.com/view_rafters.php5?id=2226
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Bombs away, buddy
Sometimes things happen that make me laugh. Often these things are horrible situations that could bring harm to many, many people.
Imagine how much I'm laughing at this CNN story: BOOM!
Watch out, DisneyWorld.
Imagine how much I'm laughing at this CNN story: BOOM!
Watch out, DisneyWorld.
Monday, June 23, 2008
In honor of George Carlin
Carlin was 71. Time well spent. In his honor, I offer this piece, which appeared in The Argonaut on March 21, 2008.
The Supreme Court is having another look at the Federal Communication Commission’s indecency policies and the penalties dealt as a result of violations.
This isn’t as much about what can and cannot be said over the air as it is about how the FCC hands out its fines.
Basically, a few people think the FCC policies are more vague than NASCAR’s penalties and need to be cleared up before Janet Jackson’s breast pops out again or George Carlin thinks of a few more things you can’t say on the radio.
So-called shifting standards have left broadcasters scratching their heads and other parts, wondering what they can say and what words remain on the naughty list.
In case you don’t know the “seven words you can’t say on the radio,” they are …
Really? You don’t know those seven special words? You must not watch cable, then. Technically, the FCC has no regulatory power over cable or satellite TV and radio. That’s why Howard Stern is on satellite radio now. He can do whatever he wants.
This isn’t stopping the FCC from sticking their nose into cable’s business practices. By getting involved in cable providers’ support of analog televisions and ownership caps, they are setting themselves up for deeper involvement in how many times “South Park” can say “shit” in one episode.
It’s 162, just in case you missed that one.
Sometimes I wonder about certain words, though. For example, you can say “ass,” but not “asshole.” When the word is censored, they don’t bleep out “ass,” they bleep out “hole.” Carlin didn’t even have this one on his list, so how bad can it be, really?
And what about “tits”? Does that really belong among the other six words? I don’t think so.
People don’t seem to mind “shit” as much as they do two other words, commonly referred to as the C-word and the F-word.
Our friend the F-bomb, honestly, is overplayed to the point of being ridiculous. There’s an entire documentary with the word as its title.
That other word — recently used by Jane Fonda on “The View” while discussing “The Vagina Monologues” — is one Americans haven’t yet embraced. The British use it all the time.
I’m of two minds on this. One part of me thinks we should start using it more and drive it into meaninglessness like we have with “fuck” — Oh, no, I said it. It’s all about context. Get over it — and then it will go away.
The other half of me knows that if I type that word out right now, I’ll get slapped and probably feel bad about myself later.
I know this to be a fact.
I knew a very sheltered girl back in high school who didn’t know a lot of dirty words. I, on the other hand, knew all of them. We were in drama and debate — yes, I debated often in high school — and I convinced her to perform a scene from “Silence of the Lambs” with me.
I told her when I gave her the script that if she wanted to change anything to let me know. She didn’t and we won a state title.
Then someone else told her what the word referred to. Not only did he get slapped but so did I.
The power of the word is such that at the next competition, sans C-word, we took last place in every round. It would have been nice to continue winning, but I understood her point, too. I should have told her what she was saying.
Broadcasters should learn to take the same approach. If you are going to allow people to say certain things, even if it’s in the heat of the moment such as an awards show, expect repercussions or save it until after 10 p.m.
The folks in charge might want to take another hint from NASCAR. The person who lets slip one of the Sinful Seven gets fined, too. It might discourage letting those word escape.
The words haven’t changed since 1978 when Pacifica Radio put Carlin’s infamous monologue on the air. If you don’t what they are, that’s fine. You don’t need to seek them out. You are better off not knowing.
For the rest of us — and this goes for anyone writing a book, TV show or movie; anyone singing a song or talking on the radio — use your head.
As Carlin also said, “In certain company it’s perfectly fine to prick your finger but not to finger your prick.”
Somewhere, there is a place we can all agree on what is decent and what isn’t. Wherever that might be, it isn’t for a government entity to decide that line for us. We’re adults, we can make choices without government interference.
Even the FCC agreed that certain language was historically accurate and valid given its context within the film “Saving Private Ryan” when ABC aired the Steven Spielberg film in 2004. Historical context also allowed for “Schindler’s List” to air uncut on NBC in 1997.
Maybe the FCC just really likes Spielberg. Or maybe, for a few years there, they weren’t the fascist regime they are often portrayed as being.
What about the children who could be exposed to things they shouldn’t hear? That’s what parents are for. The kids are going to hear these words anyway. It’s up to parents — not the government or any other institution — to instill their morals into them.
And when children become adults, they can swear up a holy storm if they want to.
With minor adjustments and empty pockets, even the raunchiest of comedians can become family friendly. Carlin was Mr. Conductor, as you kids who watched “Shining Time Station” might remember.
Thirty years sure can change things, but you still can’t say “fuck” on TV. Even if it’s the same sound “FCC” makes if you say all the letters together.
One more thing: shitpisscuntfuckcocksuckermotherfuckertits
The Supreme Court is having another look at the Federal Communication Commission’s indecency policies and the penalties dealt as a result of violations.
This isn’t as much about what can and cannot be said over the air as it is about how the FCC hands out its fines.
Basically, a few people think the FCC policies are more vague than NASCAR’s penalties and need to be cleared up before Janet Jackson’s breast pops out again or George Carlin thinks of a few more things you can’t say on the radio.
So-called shifting standards have left broadcasters scratching their heads and other parts, wondering what they can say and what words remain on the naughty list.
In case you don’t know the “seven words you can’t say on the radio,” they are …
Really? You don’t know those seven special words? You must not watch cable, then. Technically, the FCC has no regulatory power over cable or satellite TV and radio. That’s why Howard Stern is on satellite radio now. He can do whatever he wants.
This isn’t stopping the FCC from sticking their nose into cable’s business practices. By getting involved in cable providers’ support of analog televisions and ownership caps, they are setting themselves up for deeper involvement in how many times “South Park” can say “shit” in one episode.
It’s 162, just in case you missed that one.
Sometimes I wonder about certain words, though. For example, you can say “ass,” but not “asshole.” When the word is censored, they don’t bleep out “ass,” they bleep out “hole.” Carlin didn’t even have this one on his list, so how bad can it be, really?
And what about “tits”? Does that really belong among the other six words? I don’t think so.
People don’t seem to mind “shit” as much as they do two other words, commonly referred to as the C-word and the F-word.
Our friend the F-bomb, honestly, is overplayed to the point of being ridiculous. There’s an entire documentary with the word as its title.
That other word — recently used by Jane Fonda on “The View” while discussing “The Vagina Monologues” — is one Americans haven’t yet embraced. The British use it all the time.
I’m of two minds on this. One part of me thinks we should start using it more and drive it into meaninglessness like we have with “fuck” — Oh, no, I said it. It’s all about context. Get over it — and then it will go away.
The other half of me knows that if I type that word out right now, I’ll get slapped and probably feel bad about myself later.
I know this to be a fact.
I knew a very sheltered girl back in high school who didn’t know a lot of dirty words. I, on the other hand, knew all of them. We were in drama and debate — yes, I debated often in high school — and I convinced her to perform a scene from “Silence of the Lambs” with me.
I told her when I gave her the script that if she wanted to change anything to let me know. She didn’t and we won a state title.
Then someone else told her what the word referred to. Not only did he get slapped but so did I.
The power of the word is such that at the next competition, sans C-word, we took last place in every round. It would have been nice to continue winning, but I understood her point, too. I should have told her what she was saying.
Broadcasters should learn to take the same approach. If you are going to allow people to say certain things, even if it’s in the heat of the moment such as an awards show, expect repercussions or save it until after 10 p.m.
The folks in charge might want to take another hint from NASCAR. The person who lets slip one of the Sinful Seven gets fined, too. It might discourage letting those word escape.
The words haven’t changed since 1978 when Pacifica Radio put Carlin’s infamous monologue on the air. If you don’t what they are, that’s fine. You don’t need to seek them out. You are better off not knowing.
For the rest of us — and this goes for anyone writing a book, TV show or movie; anyone singing a song or talking on the radio — use your head.
As Carlin also said, “In certain company it’s perfectly fine to prick your finger but not to finger your prick.”
Somewhere, there is a place we can all agree on what is decent and what isn’t. Wherever that might be, it isn’t for a government entity to decide that line for us. We’re adults, we can make choices without government interference.
Even the FCC agreed that certain language was historically accurate and valid given its context within the film “Saving Private Ryan” when ABC aired the Steven Spielberg film in 2004. Historical context also allowed for “Schindler’s List” to air uncut on NBC in 1997.
Maybe the FCC just really likes Spielberg. Or maybe, for a few years there, they weren’t the fascist regime they are often portrayed as being.
What about the children who could be exposed to things they shouldn’t hear? That’s what parents are for. The kids are going to hear these words anyway. It’s up to parents — not the government or any other institution — to instill their morals into them.
And when children become adults, they can swear up a holy storm if they want to.
With minor adjustments and empty pockets, even the raunchiest of comedians can become family friendly. Carlin was Mr. Conductor, as you kids who watched “Shining Time Station” might remember.
Thirty years sure can change things, but you still can’t say “fuck” on TV. Even if it’s the same sound “FCC” makes if you say all the letters together.
One more thing: shitpisscuntfuckcocksuckermotherfuckertits
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Introducing Videocracy
Scroll down to see the newest feature to teejocracy: YouTube generated videos. I have some control over what plays there but not much. I'll do my best to prevent anything lame from playing there.
So have a look, click some ads, make me some money.
Please.
So have a look, click some ads, make me some money.
Please.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Roamer and a wanderer and I guess I always will
It has been more than a week since my last post and for that I am sorry. I really am trying to make this better than my previous blog.
So here's the deal: I've been bouncing back and forth between Utah and Nevada. I haven't had an internet connection since Monday (today is Saturday). This is not good. Sure, I can handle the lack of connectivity, but I fear that many of you out there can't stand to not hear from me for such a long period of time.
This is me saying hello.
So here's the deal: I've been bouncing back and forth between Utah and Nevada. I haven't had an internet connection since Monday (today is Saturday). This is not good. Sure, I can handle the lack of connectivity, but I fear that many of you out there can't stand to not hear from me for such a long period of time.
This is me saying hello.
Friday, June 13, 2008
13 facts about Friday the 13th
The following originally appeared in The Argonaut on Friday, October 13, 2006.
| 1. Treiskaidekaphobia is the fear of the number 13. From treis (three) + kai and + deka (ten) with the Latin phobia (fear). This is also sometimes referred to as tredecaphobia. 2. Paraskevidekatriaphobia, a term coined by psychotherapist Dr. Donald Dossey, is the specific fear of Friday the 13th. 3. In an August 12, 2004, “National Geographic” article, Dr. Dossey stated that more than 80 percent of American high-rises do not have a 13th floor, airports do not have gates numbered 13 and hospitals lack rooms with that number. 4. These fears go back to ancient beliefs. One is from Norse mythology. The myth concerns the gathering of 12 gods in Valhalla. Loki, the uninvited 13th guest, arrives and wreaks havoc, causing a dark day on Earth. 5. Many point to the beginnings of Christianity for their fear. The Last Supper had 13 guests and Jesus was crucified on a Friday. Some are quick to point out that everywhere Jesus went with his disciples, there were 13 of them. 6. In the book “Off the Road: A Modern-Day Walk Down the Pilgrim’s Route Into Spain,” author Jack Hitt relates another tale of the bad luck origins of Friday the 13th. The tale revolves around an excommunicated French king in the early 14th century. The king mails out orders to all the bailiffs of France, but told them they could not open them until the evening of Oct. 12, a Thursday. The orders were to jail every member of the Knights Templar in France and seize anything of value. Those who resisted were to be killed. The orders were carried out on Friday, Oct. 13, 1307. 7. Bad luck can come with the number of letters in one’s name. Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Theodore Bundy and Albert DeSalvo each have 13 letters. So does Jack the Ripper, although that name is a creation of the 1888 London newspapers. 8. Only five of the 11 “Friday the 13th” films take place on Friday the 13th. 9. Horror author Stephen King is an admitted triskaidekaphobe. His April 12, 1984, New York Times article explains why and includes versions of various origin stories. 10. The most Friday the 13ths possible in any given year is three. 2006 has two, January and October. The last year with three was 1998. The next is 2009, with the dreaded date occurring in February, March and November. 11. The Apollo 13 mission was launched on April 11, 1970. Many saw this 13th mission to the moon as bad luck, but April 13th that year was on a Monday. Then again, that was the day things went wrong. 12. University of Idaho sophomore Aimee Goss wears No. 13 for the soccer team. While she was injured in Sunday’s game, the number had nothing to do with it, she said. “I never thought of it before. I wore the number last year and many times in the past. If I did pick something else, it would be totally different, like 4 or 9.” Four and nine add up to 13. 13. According to NASA, a meteor 320 meters wide will pass within 18,600 miles of Earth’s surface. This will occur on April 13, 2029. Yes, that is a Friday. |
Thursday, June 12, 2008
The difference between Clinton and Paul
Rep. Ron Paul (R-Tex.) officially suspended his campaign for the Republican nomination for president Thursday.
So what's the difference between Paul and Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY)? Easy, Clinton actually had a chance at winning.
So what's the difference between Paul and Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY)? Easy, Clinton actually had a chance at winning.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Six things I want to happen in the next seven days
1. I find a DVD player that works all the time.
I'm on my second one since arriving in Lund, Nev. The first was one I had in storage for almost two years. It powered up just fine and probably played just fine, as well. I'll never know because the damn thing won't eject. No eject equals no inserting of discs. You can follow the logic from there.
The second, the one I'm watching "Metalocalypse" on right now, belongs to my mom. She isn't using it. This one opens and closes and all that. It just doesn't always read the disc. I've found a way to fiddle with the buttons and get it to work. Unfortunately, I can't get it to work every time.
Oh well. If I get desperate, I'll just watch DVDs on my laptop.
2. I get a job that actually pays money.
Sure, I'm working all the time and technically I have a good job. It just isn't paying yet. Yes, it has given me a good place to live with high speed internet, so it isn't all bad.
I keep applying for jobs and perhaps one will turn out. That's be nice.
3. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. to win a NASCAR Sprint Cup Series race.
The next race is at Michigan Speedway, not one of Junior's best tracks. He keeps getting top five finishes, so a win is not far away. The sooner, the better, though.
4. I finish loading ALL of my CDs onto my iPod.
OK, this might not happen. Not because I don't have time or because there are too many CDs. It's because I don't have the space on my laptop to store all of them.
Anyone want to give me an external hard drive I can use solely to store music?
5. The temperature to go down.
I'm in Nevada and it is June, so this is not likely to happen, either. And yes, I heard it's snowing in Moscow, Idaho, so I shouldn't be complaining. But complaining is what I do.
Anything less and I wouldn't be living up to my own expectations.
6. Gas prices to go down.
See above.
I'm on my second one since arriving in Lund, Nev. The first was one I had in storage for almost two years. It powered up just fine and probably played just fine, as well. I'll never know because the damn thing won't eject. No eject equals no inserting of discs. You can follow the logic from there.
The second, the one I'm watching "Metalocalypse" on right now, belongs to my mom. She isn't using it. This one opens and closes and all that. It just doesn't always read the disc. I've found a way to fiddle with the buttons and get it to work. Unfortunately, I can't get it to work every time.
Oh well. If I get desperate, I'll just watch DVDs on my laptop.
2. I get a job that actually pays money.
Sure, I'm working all the time and technically I have a good job. It just isn't paying yet. Yes, it has given me a good place to live with high speed internet, so it isn't all bad.
I keep applying for jobs and perhaps one will turn out. That's be nice.
3. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. to win a NASCAR Sprint Cup Series race.
The next race is at Michigan Speedway, not one of Junior's best tracks. He keeps getting top five finishes, so a win is not far away. The sooner, the better, though.
4. I finish loading ALL of my CDs onto my iPod.
OK, this might not happen. Not because I don't have time or because there are too many CDs. It's because I don't have the space on my laptop to store all of them.
Anyone want to give me an external hard drive I can use solely to store music?
5. The temperature to go down.
I'm in Nevada and it is June, so this is not likely to happen, either. And yes, I heard it's snowing in Moscow, Idaho, so I shouldn't be complaining. But complaining is what I do.
Anything less and I wouldn't be living up to my own expectations.
6. Gas prices to go down.
See above.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Clarification
Just in case any federal authorities saw my last blog post, I'd like to clearly state that I do NOT support any of the candidates being shot.
Don't hassle me and I won't hassle you.
Cheers.
Don't hassle me and I won't hassle you.
Cheers.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Going all in
Saturday marks the day Sen. Hillary Clinton formally suspends her campaign and will endorse Sen. Barack Obama’s nomination for president.
After the final primaries were finished, someone asked why she would wait until Saturday to give her last speech. It’s been said that people are less likely to get violent if they are fired on a Friday so maybe that has something to do with it.
The real reason, of course, is coverage. Sunday is traditionally the slowest news day of the week. By giving her final campaign speech Saturday afternoon, Clinton is all but guaranteed front page coverage by every major newspaper in the country. She is not stupid. More coverage keeps her in the public eye and increases her chances of being chosen as Obama’s running mate. That is the popular consensus; the so-called unity ticket.
This is a bad idea. Sure, an Obama-Clinton ticket would put the Democrats over the top and regain them the White House. And in politics, winning IS everything. If you don’t win, you haven’t actually changed anything. Losing isn’t a Clinton option. By accepting the vice president spot, she’ll get back on the winning track. Again, this is a bad idea.
If things turn out like some have predicted and we are given the Obama-Clinton ticket and the McCain-Mitt Romney ticket—don’t be surprised, it could happen—we’ll be left with four people representing groups sections of American society have always hated: blacks, women, Mormons, and the elderly.
Not much of a choice, is it?
I’m divided on the subject, however. If Obama wins with Clinton by his side, it will be either the greatest thing to ever happen to this country or the worst. Remember all those Kennedy comparisons? Many of the reason people loved JFK so much were responsible for getting him killed. Someone will shoot at Obama and it wouldn’t surprise me if a would-be assassin takes a crack at it before November. Same deal with Clinton. Somewhere out there, a lunatic misogynist with more guns than anyone needs is taking target practice at photos of Clinton and her well-pressed suits. If they both get shot, the Democratic party is toast, too. These two are the party’s last hope.
On the other side of the aisle, no one is going to shoot at McCain. They’ll just wait for his heart to give out and save their bullets for Romney—if he’s chosen for VP, that is.
Perhaps choosing Clinton as his VP is a good idea for Obama. Maybe it will lessen his chances of getting assassinated. You know, because there are plenty of people who’d rather see a black guy as president than a woman.
Personally, I’d take either one of them. Change is good, no matter what. If they blow it, we can sit back and go, “Well, we gave it a try and that didn’t work. Bring on the next WASP.”
If it does work—if we get the best thing ever outcome—get ready to see more “anyone can grow up to be president” commercials. I’d be OK with that.
I’ve said this a million times: great rewards are only possible with great risks. George W. Bush was a safe bet and look what that got us. It’s time to go all in, people. We might bust out and go home broke but we might win the biggest pot of the tournament. No more playing it safe.
Call this a candidate endorsement if you want. It is what it is.
It’s time to bet big. Come November, you all had better be ready to show your cards. Folding is not an option.
After the final primaries were finished, someone asked why she would wait until Saturday to give her last speech. It’s been said that people are less likely to get violent if they are fired on a Friday so maybe that has something to do with it.
The real reason, of course, is coverage. Sunday is traditionally the slowest news day of the week. By giving her final campaign speech Saturday afternoon, Clinton is all but guaranteed front page coverage by every major newspaper in the country. She is not stupid. More coverage keeps her in the public eye and increases her chances of being chosen as Obama’s running mate. That is the popular consensus; the so-called unity ticket.
This is a bad idea. Sure, an Obama-Clinton ticket would put the Democrats over the top and regain them the White House. And in politics, winning IS everything. If you don’t win, you haven’t actually changed anything. Losing isn’t a Clinton option. By accepting the vice president spot, she’ll get back on the winning track. Again, this is a bad idea.
If things turn out like some have predicted and we are given the Obama-Clinton ticket and the McCain-Mitt Romney ticket—don’t be surprised, it could happen—we’ll be left with four people representing groups sections of American society have always hated: blacks, women, Mormons, and the elderly.
Not much of a choice, is it?
I’m divided on the subject, however. If Obama wins with Clinton by his side, it will be either the greatest thing to ever happen to this country or the worst. Remember all those Kennedy comparisons? Many of the reason people loved JFK so much were responsible for getting him killed. Someone will shoot at Obama and it wouldn’t surprise me if a would-be assassin takes a crack at it before November. Same deal with Clinton. Somewhere out there, a lunatic misogynist with more guns than anyone needs is taking target practice at photos of Clinton and her well-pressed suits. If they both get shot, the Democratic party is toast, too. These two are the party’s last hope.
On the other side of the aisle, no one is going to shoot at McCain. They’ll just wait for his heart to give out and save their bullets for Romney—if he’s chosen for VP, that is.
Perhaps choosing Clinton as his VP is a good idea for Obama. Maybe it will lessen his chances of getting assassinated. You know, because there are plenty of people who’d rather see a black guy as president than a woman.
Personally, I’d take either one of them. Change is good, no matter what. If they blow it, we can sit back and go, “Well, we gave it a try and that didn’t work. Bring on the next WASP.”
If it does work—if we get the best thing ever outcome—get ready to see more “anyone can grow up to be president” commercials. I’d be OK with that.
I’ve said this a million times: great rewards are only possible with great risks. George W. Bush was a safe bet and look what that got us. It’s time to go all in, people. We might bust out and go home broke but we might win the biggest pot of the tournament. No more playing it safe.
Call this a candidate endorsement if you want. It is what it is.
It’s time to bet big. Come November, you all had better be ready to show your cards. Folding is not an option.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Vote TEEJ
This originally appeared in The Argonaut on Jan. 29, 2008.
All the election news has me excited. Since I was 12, I’ve done my best to pay attention to politics and presidential elections in particular. If my sixth grade class had been able to vote, Ross Perot would have been president.
That is why 12-year-olds don’t get to vote.
A couple years later, I calculated how long it would be until I could run for president myself. I’ve never held an elected office outside of high school clubs and my one campaign for student council was a lot like this year’s Miami Dolphins. My one win came via the votes of friends. I didn’t have enough of them.
Parents in this country are fond of telling their kids they can be anything they want, even president. I’m throwing my hat into the ring right now.
Tranchell ’16.
I figure if I start now, I might have enough money to run in one state and drop out after garnering less than one percent of the vote.
Just like high school.
If I’m lucky, I’ll hang on for a few more states and then drop out like Dennis Kucinich.That’s my last Kucinich joke, I promise. He’s back in Ohio with his smoking hot wife and I’m here in Moscow, waiting to see a UFO of my own.
OK, that’s the last Kucinich joke. Enough about him, more about me.2016 is only eight years away. That means whomever is elected this time around will be an outgoing incumbent. I won’t have to face either a popular two-term president or someone who spent eight years solidifying his/her reputation as a waste of space.
On the other hand, if the next president turns out to be a one-term-and-out punk, I may have to face 2012’s election winner.
This gets more complicated all the time.I can’t let my potential competition prevent me from entering the race. I can’t let not having any money, supporters or experience prevent me from putting myself on the line for my country.Age, on the other hand, has kept me from running. Why wait until 2016, you may have asked yourself? I will turn 37 a week before the general election.
All those hindrances — money, support, experience — are why they don’t let 25-year-olds run for president. Or in my case, 28-year-olds. For now, and for the next election cycle as well, I’m left with just voting for president.
That’s still a big deal to me as it should be to everyone. There’s a naïve pre-teen boy inside me that wants to vote even if it’s for the wrong person. It’s someone who refused to vote for the establishment but for some weird reason thought voting for someone shorter than him was a good idea.
Election results have a way of jading people. One way to get over that is to attempt to make a change at the highest level. Sure, my presidential run will be mocked, scorned, rebuffed, and — most likely — ignored, but I have to try. It isn’t political suicide if one has no political life to kill.Or, I can just vote and encourage others to do the same. (Yes, I once said most journalists don’t vote, but that’s because I read it in two places I thought were reliable but nothing beats hearing directly from other people. Note to presidential hopeful self: Don’t trust polls.)
Part of me wants to participate in primary and/or caucus voting but that requires party affiliation and that I won’t do.
I’m registered in Nevada anyway, so technically I missed my chance.
Don’t you do the same. Pay attention to the debates and speeches. Decide for yourself who you want to be the leader of this country for the next 4-8 years.
And remember to vote T.J. in 2016.
All the election news has me excited. Since I was 12, I’ve done my best to pay attention to politics and presidential elections in particular. If my sixth grade class had been able to vote, Ross Perot would have been president.
That is why 12-year-olds don’t get to vote.
A couple years later, I calculated how long it would be until I could run for president myself. I’ve never held an elected office outside of high school clubs and my one campaign for student council was a lot like this year’s Miami Dolphins. My one win came via the votes of friends. I didn’t have enough of them.
Parents in this country are fond of telling their kids they can be anything they want, even president. I’m throwing my hat into the ring right now.
Tranchell ’16.
I figure if I start now, I might have enough money to run in one state and drop out after garnering less than one percent of the vote.
Just like high school.
If I’m lucky, I’ll hang on for a few more states and then drop out like Dennis Kucinich.That’s my last Kucinich joke, I promise. He’s back in Ohio with his smoking hot wife and I’m here in Moscow, waiting to see a UFO of my own.
OK, that’s the last Kucinich joke. Enough about him, more about me.2016 is only eight years away. That means whomever is elected this time around will be an outgoing incumbent. I won’t have to face either a popular two-term president or someone who spent eight years solidifying his/her reputation as a waste of space.
On the other hand, if the next president turns out to be a one-term-and-out punk, I may have to face 2012’s election winner.
This gets more complicated all the time.I can’t let my potential competition prevent me from entering the race. I can’t let not having any money, supporters or experience prevent me from putting myself on the line for my country.Age, on the other hand, has kept me from running. Why wait until 2016, you may have asked yourself? I will turn 37 a week before the general election.
All those hindrances — money, support, experience — are why they don’t let 25-year-olds run for president. Or in my case, 28-year-olds. For now, and for the next election cycle as well, I’m left with just voting for president.
That’s still a big deal to me as it should be to everyone. There’s a naïve pre-teen boy inside me that wants to vote even if it’s for the wrong person. It’s someone who refused to vote for the establishment but for some weird reason thought voting for someone shorter than him was a good idea.
Election results have a way of jading people. One way to get over that is to attempt to make a change at the highest level. Sure, my presidential run will be mocked, scorned, rebuffed, and — most likely — ignored, but I have to try. It isn’t political suicide if one has no political life to kill.Or, I can just vote and encourage others to do the same. (Yes, I once said most journalists don’t vote, but that’s because I read it in two places I thought were reliable but nothing beats hearing directly from other people. Note to presidential hopeful self: Don’t trust polls.)
Part of me wants to participate in primary and/or caucus voting but that requires party affiliation and that I won’t do.
I’m registered in Nevada anyway, so technically I missed my chance.
Don’t you do the same. Pay attention to the debates and speeches. Decide for yourself who you want to be the leader of this country for the next 4-8 years.
And remember to vote T.J. in 2016.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Can I hear you now?
I have one bar. Sometimes. I can make and receive calls, sort of. I can get text messages, but not send them.
Welcome to the middle of nowhere.
If you don't hear from me, that's why. You are asking yourself how I can be blogging if I can't even get a cell phone signal, aren't you?
I should get my own mobile broadband card and none of these things would be a problem.
Welcome to the middle of nowhere.
If you don't hear from me, that's why. You are asking yourself how I can be blogging if I can't even get a cell phone signal, aren't you?
I should get my own mobile broadband card and none of these things would be a problem.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Indiana Jones and the Latest Crusade
Sure, everyone else had their reviews of "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" up days ago. Yes, I saw the film as soon as I could Thursday, but I had a good reason to wait to write anything about it.
I went again. I took my little brother. He was barely a year old when the last Indiana Jones movie came out, but that's part of the appeal. Hell, I was a toddler when "Raiders of the Lost Ark" was released. Since its release, the name Indiana Jones has been synonymous with high adventure, like saying "Errol Flynn" in the 1930s. You know you are in for a good time and maybe--maybe--learn something.
When I was five and had seen "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" about a million times, I knew true adventure was in history and getting out there and digging it up. Some things have changed, but when I dig into a story, I always see myself putting on that brown fedora.
And that is why so many people are shelling out money the don't have to see this movie. I'm broke and I've bought three tickets. One was a matinée so lay off.
OK, I'm a sucker and I paid $6 for the "collector's bucket" of popcorn. I paid a bit more than that for the action figure I had in my jacket pocket each time I saw the movie.
"But what did you think of the movie," you are asking. I've seen it twice now. Shouldn't that be enough?
No, no. It never is. So here is my review of "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull":
Knowledge is the greatest treasure in the world. If you don't believe that, you can go watch the next romantic comedy that infiltrates your local showhouse. If, on the other hand, you do believe that knowledge is the greatest treasure of all, don't let that which seems unbelievable prevent you from searching for the truth.
That's it. Does it makes sense? No and neither does much of this movie. Do I care?
Um, no, I don't.
I'm going to visit the official movie Web site now and talk myself out of buying the official Indiana Jones fedora. Click my ads and maybe I'll be able to afford it.
I went again. I took my little brother. He was barely a year old when the last Indiana Jones movie came out, but that's part of the appeal. Hell, I was a toddler when "Raiders of the Lost Ark" was released. Since its release, the name Indiana Jones has been synonymous with high adventure, like saying "Errol Flynn" in the 1930s. You know you are in for a good time and maybe--maybe--learn something.
When I was five and had seen "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" about a million times, I knew true adventure was in history and getting out there and digging it up. Some things have changed, but when I dig into a story, I always see myself putting on that brown fedora.
And that is why so many people are shelling out money the don't have to see this movie. I'm broke and I've bought three tickets. One was a matinée so lay off.
OK, I'm a sucker and I paid $6 for the "collector's bucket" of popcorn. I paid a bit more than that for the action figure I had in my jacket pocket each time I saw the movie.
"But what did you think of the movie," you are asking. I've seen it twice now. Shouldn't that be enough?
No, no. It never is. So here is my review of "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull":
Knowledge is the greatest treasure in the world. If you don't believe that, you can go watch the next romantic comedy that infiltrates your local showhouse. If, on the other hand, you do believe that knowledge is the greatest treasure of all, don't let that which seems unbelievable prevent you from searching for the truth.
That's it. Does it makes sense? No and neither does much of this movie. Do I care?
Um, no, I don't.
I'm going to visit the official movie Web site now and talk myself out of buying the official Indiana Jones fedora. Click my ads and maybe I'll be able to afford it.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
It's no secret
One thing I can't stand is control freaks. Even as a child, I had authority issues. If you tell me what to do, I will most likely do the opposite.
Yes, my claims to dictatorship ARE ironic, that's the point.
When someone I don't know much about tries to push around someone I love, I bristle up like a scared cat and want to yell, "Don't tell her what to do. You are not her boss."
It's a good thing I haven't been in Moscow. I might have made a situation that turned out for the best into a bigger clusterfuck than it needed to be.
The hardest part for me is telling people to stand up for themselves. I can get all bossy trying to convince others not to take any shit from anyone. It's like an overbearing parent telling a child not to give in to peer pressure. Don't give in. Don't do it. It makes me feel like a hypocrite when I order another person not to be a puppet to outside forces.
The good news is that the need in some people to feel powerful is so great that they cave and run away when confronted with their shortcomings.
It's the way of most dictators and bullies. They aren't used to having their shortcomings forced in front of their faces. Instead of taking a long look and changing, they turn tail and run.
I'm glad they do. It makes easier for people like me to take over.
Yes, my claims to dictatorship ARE ironic, that's the point.
When someone I don't know much about tries to push around someone I love, I bristle up like a scared cat and want to yell, "Don't tell her what to do. You are not her boss."
It's a good thing I haven't been in Moscow. I might have made a situation that turned out for the best into a bigger clusterfuck than it needed to be.
The hardest part for me is telling people to stand up for themselves. I can get all bossy trying to convince others not to take any shit from anyone. It's like an overbearing parent telling a child not to give in to peer pressure. Don't give in. Don't do it. It makes me feel like a hypocrite when I order another person not to be a puppet to outside forces.
The good news is that the need in some people to feel powerful is so great that they cave and run away when confronted with their shortcomings.
It's the way of most dictators and bullies. They aren't used to having their shortcomings forced in front of their faces. Instead of taking a long look and changing, they turn tail and run.
I'm glad they do. It makes easier for people like me to take over.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
WELCOME TO THE TEEJOCRACY!
Greetings, to everyone, be you wayward traveler, Internet addict, past reader, or "other."
This is the new blog of T.J. Tranchell and shall serve as a continuation of his work at The Argonaut. We will have new columns as well as reprints (or repostings) of columns that appeared over the last year and a half.
So sit back, relax, grab a can of soda and get ready for the ride.
I don't promise it won't be bumpy.
This is the new blog of T.J. Tranchell and shall serve as a continuation of his work at The Argonaut. We will have new columns as well as reprints (or repostings) of columns that appeared over the last year and a half.
So sit back, relax, grab a can of soda and get ready for the ride.
I don't promise it won't be bumpy.
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