In honor of George Carlin

Carlin was 71. Time well spent. In his honor, I offer this piece, which appeared in The Argonaut on March 21, 2008.


The Supreme Court is having another look at the Federal Communication Commission’s indecency policies and the penalties dealt as a result of violations.
This isn’t as much about what can and cannot be said over the air as it is about how the FCC hands out its fines.
Basically, a few people think the FCC policies are more vague than NASCAR’s penalties and need to be cleared up before Janet Jackson’s breast pops out again or George Carlin thinks of a few more things you can’t say on the radio.
So-called shifting standards have left broadcasters scratching their heads and other parts, wondering what they can say and what words remain on the naughty list.
In case you don’t know the “seven words you can’t say on the radio,” they are …
Really? You don’t know those seven special words? You must not watch cable, then. Technically, the FCC has no regulatory power over cable or satellite TV and radio. That’s why Howard Stern is on satellite radio now. He can do whatever he wants.
This isn’t stopping the FCC from sticking their nose into cable’s business practices. By getting involved in cable providers’ support of analog televisions and ownership caps, they are setting themselves up for deeper involvement in how many times “South Park” can say “shit” in one episode.
It’s 162, just in case you missed that one.
Sometimes I wonder about certain words, though. For example, you can say “ass,” but not “asshole.” When the word is censored, they don’t bleep out “ass,” they bleep out “hole.” Carlin didn’t even have this one on his list, so how bad can it be, really?
And what about “tits”? Does that really belong among the other six words? I don’t think so.
People don’t seem to mind “shit” as much as they do two other words, commonly referred to as the C-word and the F-word.
Our friend the F-bomb, honestly, is overplayed to the point of being ridiculous. There’s an entire documentary with the word as its title.
That other word — recently used by Jane Fonda on “The View” while discussing “The Vagina Monologues” — is one Americans haven’t yet embraced. The British use it all the time.
I’m of two minds on this. One part of me thinks we should start using it more and drive it into meaninglessness like we have with “fuck” — Oh, no, I said it. It’s all about context. Get over it — and then it will go away.
The other half of me knows that if I type that word out right now, I’ll get slapped and probably feel bad about myself later.
I know this to be a fact.
I knew a very sheltered girl back in high school who didn’t know a lot of dirty words. I, on the other hand, knew all of them. We were in drama and debate — yes, I debated often in high school — and I convinced her to perform a scene from “Silence of the Lambs” with me.
I told her when I gave her the script that if she wanted to change anything to let me know. She didn’t and we won a state title.
Then someone else told her what the word referred to. Not only did he get slapped but so did I.
The power of the word is such that at the next competition, sans C-word, we took last place in every round. It would have been nice to continue winning, but I understood her point, too. I should have told her what she was saying.
Broadcasters should learn to take the same approach. If you are going to allow people to say certain things, even if it’s in the heat of the moment such as an awards show, expect repercussions or save it until after 10 p.m.
The folks in charge might want to take another hint from NASCAR. The person who lets slip one of the Sinful Seven gets fined, too. It might discourage letting those word escape.
The words haven’t changed since 1978 when Pacifica Radio put Carlin’s infamous monologue on the air. If you don’t what they are, that’s fine. You don’t need to seek them out. You are better off not knowing.
For the rest of us — and this goes for anyone writing a book, TV show or movie; anyone singing a song or talking on the radio — use your head.
As Carlin also said, “In certain company it’s perfectly fine to prick your finger but not to finger your prick.”
Somewhere, there is a place we can all agree on what is decent and what isn’t. Wherever that might be, it isn’t for a government entity to decide that line for us. We’re adults, we can make choices without government interference.
Even the FCC agreed that certain language was historically accurate and valid given its context within the film “Saving Private Ryan” when ABC aired the Steven Spielberg film in 2004. Historical context also allowed for “Schindler’s List” to air uncut on NBC in 1997.
Maybe the FCC just really likes Spielberg. Or maybe, for a few years there, they weren’t the fascist regime they are often portrayed as being.
What about the children who could be exposed to things they shouldn’t hear? That’s what parents are for. The kids are going to hear these words anyway. It’s up to parents — not the government or any other institution — to instill their morals into them.
And when children become adults, they can swear up a holy storm if they want to.

With minor adjustments and empty pockets, even the raunchiest of comedians can become family friendly. Carlin was Mr. Conductor, as you kids who watched “Shining Time Station” might remember.
Thirty years sure can change things, but you still can’t say “fuck” on TV. Even if it’s the same sound “FCC” makes if you say all the letters together.

One more thing: shitpisscuntfuckcocksuckermotherfuckertits

Introducing Videocracy

Scroll down to see the newest feature to teejocracy: YouTube generated videos. I have some control over what plays there but not much. I'll do my best to prevent anything lame from playing there.

So have a look, click some ads, make me some money.

Please.

Roamer and a wanderer and I guess I always will

It has been more than a week since my last post and for that I am sorry. I really am trying to make this better than my previous blog.

So here's the deal: I've been bouncing back and forth between Utah and Nevada. I haven't had an internet connection since Monday (today is Saturday). This is not good. Sure, I can handle the lack of connectivity, but I fear that many of you out there can't stand to not hear from me for such a long period of time.

This is me saying hello.

13 facts about Friday the 13th

The following originally appeared in The Argonaut on Friday, October 13, 2006.

1. Treiskaidekaphobia is the fear of the number 13. From treis (three) + kai and + deka (ten) with the Latin phobia (fear). This is also sometimes referred to as tredecaphobia. 2. Paraskevidekatriaphobia, a term coined by psychotherapist Dr. Donald Dossey, is the specific fear of Friday the 13th. 3. In an August 12, 2004, “National Geographic” article, Dr. Dossey stated that more than 80 percent of American high-rises do not have a 13th floor, airports do not have gates numbered 13 and hospitals lack rooms with that number. 4. These fears go back to ancient beliefs. One is from Norse mythology. The myth concerns the gathering of 12 gods in Valhalla. Loki, the uninvited 13th guest, arrives and wreaks havoc, causing a dark day on Earth. 5. Many point to the beginnings of Christianity for their fear. The Last Supper had 13 guests and Jesus was crucified on a Friday. Some are quick to point out that everywhere Jesus went with his disciples, there were 13 of them. 6. In the book “Off the Road: A Modern-Day Walk Down the Pilgrim’s Route Into Spain,” author Jack Hitt relates another tale of the bad luck origins of Friday the 13th. The tale revolves around an excommunicated French king in the early 14th century. The king mails out orders to all the bailiffs of France, but told them they could not open them until the evening of Oct. 12, a Thursday. The orders were to jail every member of the Knights Templar in France and seize anything of value. Those who resisted were to be killed. The orders were carried out on Friday, Oct. 13, 1307. 7. Bad luck can come with the number of letters in one’s name. Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Theodore Bundy and Albert DeSalvo each have 13 letters. So does Jack the Ripper, although that name is a creation of the 1888 London newspapers. 8. Only five of the 11 “Friday the 13th” films take place on Friday the 13th. 9. Horror author Stephen King is an admitted triskaidekaphobe. His April 12, 1984, New York Times article explains why and includes versions of various origin stories. 10. The most Friday the 13ths possible in any given year is three. 2006 has two, January and October. The last year with three was 1998. The next is 2009, with the dreaded date occurring in February, March and November. 11. The Apollo 13 mission was launched on April 11, 1970. Many saw this 13th mission to the moon as bad luck, but April 13th that year was on a Monday. Then again, that was the day things went wrong. 12. University of Idaho sophomore Aimee Goss wears No. 13 for the soccer team. While she was injured in Sunday’s game, the number had nothing to do with it, she said. “I never thought of it before. I wore the number last year and many times in the past. If I did pick something else, it would be totally different, like 4 or 9.” Four and nine add up to 13. 13. According to NASA, a meteor 320 meters wide will pass within 18,600 miles of Earth’s surface. This will occur on April 13, 2029. Yes, that is a Friday.

The difference between Clinton and Paul

Rep. Ron Paul (R-Tex.) officially suspended his campaign for the Republican nomination for president Thursday.

So what's the difference between Paul and Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY)? Easy, Clinton actually had a chance at winning.

Six things I want to happen in the next seven days

1. I find a DVD player that works all the time.
I'm on my second one since arriving in Lund, Nev. The first was one I had in storage for almost two years. It powered up just fine and probably played just fine, as well. I'll never know because the damn thing won't eject. No eject equals no inserting of discs. You can follow the logic from there.
The second, the one I'm watching "Metalocalypse" on right now, belongs to my mom. She isn't using it. This one opens and closes and all that. It just doesn't always read the disc. I've found a way to fiddle with the buttons and get it to work. Unfortunately, I can't get it to work every time.
Oh well. If I get desperate, I'll just watch DVDs on my laptop.
2. I get a job that actually pays money.
Sure, I'm working all the time and technically I have a good job. It just isn't paying yet. Yes, it has given me a good place to live with high speed internet, so it isn't all bad.
I keep applying for jobs and perhaps one will turn out. That's be nice.
3. Dale Earnhardt, Jr. to win a NASCAR Sprint Cup Series race.
The next race is at Michigan Speedway, not one of Junior's best tracks. He keeps getting top five finishes, so a win is not far away. The sooner, the better, though.
4. I finish loading ALL of my CDs onto my iPod.
OK, this might not happen. Not because I don't have time or because there are too many CDs. It's because I don't have the space on my laptop to store all of them.
Anyone want to give me an external hard drive I can use solely to store music?
5. The temperature to go down.
I'm in Nevada and it is June, so this is not likely to happen, either. And yes, I heard it's snowing in Moscow, Idaho, so I shouldn't be complaining. But complaining is what I do.
Anything less and I wouldn't be living up to my own expectations.
6. Gas prices to go down.
See above.

Clarification

Just in case any federal authorities saw my last blog post, I'd like to clearly state that I do NOT support any of the candidates being shot.

Don't hassle me and I won't hassle you.

Cheers.

Going all in

Saturday marks the day Sen. Hillary Clinton formally suspends her campaign and will endorse Sen. Barack Obama’s nomination for president.
After the final primaries were finished, someone asked why she would wait until Saturday to give her last speech. It’s been said that people are less likely to get violent if they are fired on a Friday so maybe that has something to do with it.
The real reason, of course, is coverage. Sunday is traditionally the slowest news day of the week. By giving her final campaign speech Saturday afternoon, Clinton is all but guaranteed front page coverage by every major newspaper in the country. She is not stupid. More coverage keeps her in the public eye and increases her chances of being chosen as Obama’s running mate. That is the popular consensus; the so-called unity ticket.
This is a bad idea. Sure, an Obama-Clinton ticket would put the Democrats over the top and regain them the White House. And in politics, winning IS everything. If you don’t win, you haven’t actually changed anything. Losing isn’t a Clinton option. By accepting the vice president spot, she’ll get back on the winning track. Again, this is a bad idea.
If things turn out like some have predicted and we are given the Obama-Clinton ticket and the McCain-Mitt Romney ticket—don’t be surprised, it could happen—we’ll be left with four people representing groups sections of American society have always hated: blacks, women, Mormons, and the elderly.
Not much of a choice, is it?
I’m divided on the subject, however. If Obama wins with Clinton by his side, it will be either the greatest thing to ever happen to this country or the worst. Remember all those Kennedy comparisons? Many of the reason people loved JFK so much were responsible for getting him killed. Someone will shoot at Obama and it wouldn’t surprise me if a would-be assassin takes a crack at it before November. Same deal with Clinton. Somewhere out there, a lunatic misogynist with more guns than anyone needs is taking target practice at photos of Clinton and her well-pressed suits. If they both get shot, the Democratic party is toast, too. These two are the party’s last hope.
On the other side of the aisle, no one is going to shoot at McCain. They’ll just wait for his heart to give out and save their bullets for Romney—if he’s chosen for VP, that is.
Perhaps choosing Clinton as his VP is a good idea for Obama. Maybe it will lessen his chances of getting assassinated. You know, because there are plenty of people who’d rather see a black guy as president than a woman.
Personally, I’d take either one of them. Change is good, no matter what. If they blow it, we can sit back and go, “Well, we gave it a try and that didn’t work. Bring on the next WASP.”
If it does work—if we get the best thing ever outcome—get ready to see more “anyone can grow up to be president” commercials. I’d be OK with that.
I’ve said this a million times: great rewards are only possible with great risks. George W. Bush was a safe bet and look what that got us. It’s time to go all in, people. We might bust out and go home broke but we might win the biggest pot of the tournament. No more playing it safe.
Call this a candidate endorsement if you want. It is what it is.
It’s time to bet big. Come November, you all had better be ready to show your cards. Folding is not an option.